Description:
In Troys writing group a video called mouse for sale. We didn't just watch a video for the fun of it was an inspiration for our writing. The good thing about this video is that it doesn't have any talking in it so we could make it up a little bit. we used and tried to put in complex sentences in it.
Big idea:
We have been learning about complex sentences in writing. All of my complex sentences are in red.
A complex sentence is when you have a sentence like this for example Serena is a girl she has brown curly hair I cant just use brown curly hair because it doesn't make sense.
Image: if you would like to see the video I have put the video here.
Feedback/Feedforward:I think your story has lots of complex sentences but you need to add more to your story. Harriet
Evaluation: I think that if there were more characters I could have put in more complex sentences. I also think have added more.
In Troys writing group a video called mouse for sale. We didn't just watch a video for the fun of it was an inspiration for our writing. The good thing about this video is that it doesn't have any talking in it so we could make it up a little bit. we used and tried to put in complex sentences in it.
Big idea:
We have been learning about complex sentences in writing. All of my complex sentences are in red.
A complex sentence is when you have a sentence like this for example Serena is a girl she has brown curly hair I cant just use brown curly hair because it doesn't make sense.
Image: if you would like to see the video I have put the video here.
Feedback/Feedforward:I think your story has lots of complex sentences but you need to add more to your story. Harriet
Evaluation: I think that if there were more characters I could have put in more complex sentences. I also think have added more.
Serena, you have used some really good complex sentences in this piece that add effect to your writing. Your next step is to pay close attention to your punctuation and there are some details you are leaving out from the story that people who haven't seen the story wouldn't understand (e.g. how did the mouse get the boys attention?)
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